I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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