I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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