thus making me awesome and them whores
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
