Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
