Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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