I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
