Your face is a jimmy john
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
