Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
