So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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