I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
