glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
