my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
