also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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