If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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