I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
