Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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