It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
