i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
