i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
