the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
