have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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