sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
