This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
