we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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