If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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