fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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