I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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