Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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