I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
