I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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