i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
