Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
