He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I need to calm my uterus...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am available for nakedness
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
