People in love make me want to vomit
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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