margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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