it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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