At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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