Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
