You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
