When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
