Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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