Im at strip club and am horny
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
