Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
