Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
