and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
