By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
