So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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