My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
