I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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