he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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