if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
