i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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